Intended for Intimacy

As the father of seven young children, my friend is accustomed to the looks and comments of strangers out in public.  Some are even brazen enough to quip things like, “Do you know what’s causing this?”  My friend is quick with the retort, “Yes, and we enjoy it too much to stop.” That typically puts them in their place. My favorite line is when he tells people he has seven kids not because he loves kids so much but because he loves his wife so much. People always laugh.

There would be absolutely nothing to smile about if his seven kids were from seven different mothers, three of whom were his sisters. My apologies for the quick turn into creepsville and dysfunction. It was necessary to make the point that sex is a good and wonderful thing within the confines of certain boundaries, in particular the boundary of marriage. Marriage is the life-long commitment between one man and one woman. Outside that context of fidelity, sex isn’t safe.

Those who read this column each month know I regularly connect health and wellness with living as our Creator intended. The reason God put sex within the confines of marriage is not because he wants to spoil the fun, but because he wants to spare us the pain.

There is much confusion today with regard to sex and sexuality. There is even more hurt, brokenness, shame and addiction. This is not the place to review our nation’s Puritan and Victorian past as it relates to the suppression of human sexuality as an evil. Nor is it necessary to detail what we all see every day: an over-sexed society where lust an exploitation are a multi-billion dollar industry and where perversion is reaching frightening levels under what can only be described as the height of human wickedness.

Just last month I was in the Eastern European country Moldova working with others as an abolitionist laboring to end the sex trade. Millions of young girls are taken and sold internationally each year; many are forced to service ten men a day.  Governments even facilitate this exploitation of vulnerability. So far, the church has been silent.

Sadly, all too often, ministers and priests are in the news as their hypocrisy gets exposed.  The message of the Church regarding sex has basically been to say it’s dirty and bad and you should save it ‘til marriage.  Only a small percentage wait until they say “I Do.” Marriage doesn’t make everything better, because things like shame and soul ties are real. Good therapists and counselors have waiting lists of people who need help dealing with their sexual past so they can enjoy a healthy sex life in the present.

We are social creatures, created to interact with God and each other. It isn’t good for man to be alone. This partnership of a male with a female is God’s idea, and God’s ideal. Prior to the Fall, the first man and the first woman enjoyed God and each other in the Garden of Eden, where there was innocence and intimacy. There was no shame regarding nakedness and sexuality – and nothing to hide. God’s command was to be fruitful and multiply. That meant have sex and produce children. God’s intention for sex is intimacy and increase. God’s pronouncement over all this was, “It is good.”

The way back into that place of innocence and intimacy is to treat your marriage like a garden. Water it with romance. Deal with the weeds and things that strip the soil of nutrients. Fertilize it with humility serving each other. The hedge around it is critical, as there are subtle serpents that will otherwise creep in with all sorts of believable deceptions offering “fruit” that is “good to the eye” but is bitter after the first bite, and deadly.  Trust and commitment are essential to a great sex life and once broken, trust takes a long time to rebuild.  Oneness is a wonderful thing between two people. God blesses this union.

In a natural health publication as this, things unnatural are generally frowned upon and for good reason. One of the more frequently quoted passages of the Bible referring to sex uses the terms natural and unnatural relations. This explicitly says that departure from the natural relations of one man and one woman toward anything else unnatural is only with devastating consequences.  Other passages talk about sins against our body. There is no wiggle room when it comes to what is good for us and what is not good for us in this book that I lovingly refer to as, “Life’s owners manual” — especially as it relates to sex, marriage, children and the family.

• Pinterest

Steve Hickey is the founding pastor of a life-giving church with over 700 members, a church planter, a trainer of leaders with John Maxwell’s organization, a police chaplain, and is very active in politics as a national voice for the unborn. He’s written several books, including his latest, Momentum: God’s Ever Increasing Kingdom (www.MomentumHandbook.com). Steve and his wife would like to pray for your specific needs and have a prayer team at the church waiting to hear from you. For more information or to submit a prayer request, visit: www.ChurchAtTheGate.com/prayer.php