How Do Your Emotions Reflect Your Health?

Sam was in my office today with a completely emotionless face.  He said he had a pain on his finger and pointed to a bump on the distal joint of his index finger.  These joints aren’t usually painful, but he indicated it hurt to bend his finger and press on it.  I got a syringe with cortisone and put an injection in it as he looked away.

We then talked about his all-over pain.  I asked him why he had so much inflammation and he stated matter-of-factly in a monotone voice,“It’s probably the alcohol.”  Everything changed at that moment because he then asked for medication to calm his nerves so he wouldn’t feel the need to drink.

He had tried so many things that are supposed to help alcoholism, but without any success.  “I’m at the end of my rope…”  He almost broke down and cried, but trying very hard not to show emotion he gathered himself and said, “This is the only thing in my life I have wanted to do and have not been able.”

Not being able to deal with your own emotions is guaranteed to negatively affect your health!  The only way Sam can deal with his feelings of sadness, depression and loneliness is to suppress them with alcohol.  Like so many, he isn’t even really aware of why he feels the way he does, he just wants the feeling to go away.  Again, many, many people turn to alcohol because alcohol works!  This has been the “drug of choice” for all emotional problems that plague people since the beginning of time.  Now we have other options for handling our emotions and improving our health.

In fact, the majority of drugs prescribed by doctors are not for physical problems, but rather emotional ones. Many people do not see or understand things on an emotional level.  Because people don’t know why they feel the way they do, these drugs are prescribed to help people feel better and control their emotions:

• Tranquilizers
• Antidepressants
• Benzodiazepines
• Morphine
• Pain pills
• Sleeping pills

But because most people don’t know how to understand and deal with their feelings, they are unable to connect with others.  This produces feelings of:

• Fear
• Separation
• Loneliness
• Isolation
• Depression
• Anxiety

In trying to escape such feelings, people become physically unhealthy as a result. Like Sam who feels the need to keep drinking alcohol, there are many ways people use chemical means to feel better.  Dealing with your feelings in this way produces multiple negative effects.  This is huge in that it affects nearly every person in the world.

Addiction

As a society in general, we consider that those drugs prescribed by a doctor are somehow better than those we can buy without a prescription.  However, we must consider that when we use chemicals for emotional reasons, we prevent our own growth.

For example, children who are emotionally immature often have trouble in school. Then, a teacher or doctor may recommend a drug to treat ADD.  The use of the drug stimulates receptors, but doesn’t improve the functioning of the brain. Thus, these children most often become adults with ADD, never having grown up in any other way.  Thus, they are likely to continue to require and become addicted to chemical or other support for their emotions.

Chronic Pain

Most pain is emotional.  The ground-breaking work by John Sarno, MD, a rehabilitation specialist, has shown that most back pain is emotional.  This is why surgery only relieves 7% of back pain. Uncontrolled emotions produce a 93% chance that you will be in pain after the surgery.  This is because “slipped disks” are not the cause of the pain.

Studies suggest that patients who reported prolonged emotional distress have less favorable outcomes after back surgeries.  Also, much of the “autonomic nervous system dysfunction” that creates pain comes through emotions that haven’t been acknowledged or triggered by emotional trauma.  These may include:

• Migraine headaches
• Fibromyalgia
• Reflex sympathetic dystrophy
• Other pain syndromes

Heart Disease

About 60% of heart attacks are emotional.  One hospital in New York found that most people who come into the Emergency Department who are having a heart attack have clean arteries.  The brain controls the blood flow to the heart and can shut it off.

Another study in England showed that most people with heart attacks have normal blood pressure and cholesterol. The greater risk for heart attack is  a recent stressor such as death or divorce.  You are 1600% more likely to die of a heart attack within three days of losing a loved-one.

Compelling evidence indicates that in people with a history of heart disease, physical exertion and emotional stress can trigger heart attacks. People really do die of a broken heart.

Obesity

Much of our problems with obesity come from unfilled emotional needs. It is a vicious cycle whereby the greater the emotional conflicts and difficulties, the greater the incidence of unhealthy eating and obesity. People eat for emotional reasons and gain weight, ending up with:

• Diabetes
• Vascular disease
• Cancer
• Heart disease
• Strokes
• And many other illnesses

Food, especially sugar, fills an emotional need by releasing dopamine and thereby calming the emotions.  This is the same neurotransmitter that is released by most narcotic drugs.  In fact, in one study mice preferred sugar to cocaine!  In 1970, the average American ate over 30 pounds of sugar per year.  Now, the average American eats his weight in sugar every year!  The effects of overeating sugar are much worse than smoking, drug or alcohol addiction. Stop sugar-coating your emotions!

Cancer

One of the factors involved in cancer is unrecognized emotion.  Those who carry anger, hatred, and malice are much more likely to get cancer.  Cancer is also associated with tobacco use, which is primarily consumed for emotional reasons.

Louise Hay has written about her own recovery from cancer by healing her “emotional issues,” and has gone on to suggest that the type of cancer one has is directly correlated with the emotional problem.  Many others cancer patients have noted the same benefit of dealing with emotional problems.

This brings us to our need to understand how your emotional state has a huge impact your health.

Emotional maturity 

The most valuable lesson for a boxer is to not react emotionally.  When anyone gets hurt in life, the automatic reaction is to get angry at whatever, or whoever, caused the pain.  Thus, children are always looking for the culprit and anger is directed at the guilty party.

When in the ring, an emotion such as anger must be controlled or the fight will be lost.  The boxer has to take the punches without fear, anger or even thought of retaliation.

He must practice a higher form of emotional maturity: instant forgiveness.

The instant he is hit and it hurts very much, his opponent is already forgiven.  In fact, since he knows the consequences of going into the ring, he gives “advanced forgiveness,” holding no ill-will towards his opponent who is trying as hard as he can to hurt him.  Handling powerful emotions in a healthy way will lead to greater health.

Emotional intelligence is the understanding of your feelings.  The language of feelings is like a foreign language to many and might be learned with great difficulty – just like any other foreign language.

But, an understanding of our emotions gives us emotional power.  Knowledge is power.  Only when we don’t understand do we suffer from emotional problems.  For example, pain can be relieved by understanding your emotions, rather than taking a pill to suppress them.

A recent study suggests that with twenty minutes of training in meditation a person in pain can get as much relief as a pain pill.

Consider the following in your own emotional growth:

Emotional Maturity Timeline

Infant

• Totally dependent
• Entirely defined by feelings
• Needs based on feelings
• Cries for any discomfort
• Others don’t exist

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Toddler

• Dependent
• Self-centered
• Assumes everyone feels the same as him
• Driven by feelings: if he feels angry, he hits; if he is hungry, he wants food – now!

Child

• Fear of separation – sees differences in the feelings of others
• Acknowledges feelings in others – can learn to be polite
• Can hold back the expression of a feeling like anger, hunger
• Needs help to do things he doesn’t feel like doing

Adolescent

• Starts to become independent – pushing away childhood dependencies
• More self-directed – sets goals
• Can make and keep commitments that may go against a feeling
• Concerned about what others feel as they relate to themselves
• Moody – actions depend on the mood

Adult

• Control of feelings and desires
• Acts on principles, not feelings
• Forgives others readily
• Accepts injustice and suffering without retaliation
• Understands the language of feelings
• Accepts responsibility for the dependence of others, caring for the needy

Mature Adult

• Always takes the feelings of others into account
• Teaches others to grow
• Sacrifices self for the benefit of others
• The highest emotional maturity is to love everyone

Achieving Emotional Maturity

You may notice that those who are immature on the scale are more focused on feelings, and as they mature they rely more on principles, but the highest maturity is again focused on feelings.  The difference is the emotionally immature only see their own feelings, whereas those who are highly developed acknowledge and address the feelings of others.  This process of growth goes through a phase of rules and principles.

Like any other growth, emotional growth requires time, planning, and action.  Most often, it’s our very weaknesses that can show us how to grow up.  Overcoming weaknesses is the process by which we gain the understanding we need to grow.

The way to grow up depends on your level of maturity.

Infants need to be cared for.  They need constant attention by one who loves them and is totally focused on their needs.  Parents generally do this for their children, but when they don’t provide this attention the child will still need the safety and security in order to begin to grow up.  This can be part of a marriage or family relationship, or even a good counselor.

Toddlers need strict rules to govern every action.  Theirs is a world of “No!” “Don’t!” and “Wait.”  They must be watched every minute so they don’t go off track.  They can be taught the basics of knowing that they don’t have to eat only what they feel like eating, for example, or, don’t hit when they’re angry.

Children need guidance to know what they feel, why and how to deal with their feelings.  The positive feelings of love, joy and happiness are acknowledged.  They learn how to share with others.  They can begin to be taught that others may feel differently from them and that’s OK.  Just because they are sad, doesn’t mean everyone feels it.  They can begin to use their own powers of focus to change how they feel.

Adolescents need examples and stories of mature adults to follow.  They need to see how it’s done.  They need to feel it.  They need a connection – especially with the opposite sex.  A father becomes essential to the emotional maturity of his daughters when he gives them value beyond looks and abilities.  Mothers do the same for their sons, defining the limits of behavior with the opposite sex.

Young adults need mentoring by those who are emotionally mature.  Only by loving will a person learn to love.  There is no way to do it alone, nor with a counselor; this is why marriage is so important.  Most who get married are emotional toddlers or children and if they don’t grow in love they end up miserable and divorced.

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Emotional intelligence brings love and happiness.

Emotional immaturity brings loneliness because we are unable to connect with others.  Sam is going to “emotional school” to learn how to increase his Emotional Quotient.  This will enable him to not only overcome his addiction, but also to improve his health dramatically.  As we grow into emotional adults we can overcome, or avoid, all of the emotional pitfalls that can ruin our health.

We eat for nutrition, not just taste, we drink for connection, not to cover our feelings, and we also avoid cancer and chronic pain syndromes.

Emotional growth is not easy, but it is always worth the health effort.

What is your EQ? Are you emotions making you sick?  What are you going to do about it?  Your journey just might help someone else, so please share!