The Ten-Minute Plan to Control Stress

Accepting Change to Prevent, Reduce and Relieve Stress

Stress is change. But for health purposes, stress is the body’s response to change.

Levels of stress depend upon our personal needs.  The greater the change, the greater the stress.

We all have a foundation upon which we rest. Our foundation may consist of our money, home, abilities, job, people, family, and so forth.  Whatever we choose to put our rest in needs to be unchanging.  For example, if we have always had a mother who loves us, we can count on that – no matter what!  Even if we make mistakes and end up in jail, we still have a mother who loves us.  These kinds of things that we rely on are our foundation.  If the foundation changes, it literally rocks our world. The instability causes a great deal of stress.

Changes outside our foundation create little stress.  For example…

• If a friend’s mom dies, it may have little impact on us. But if our mom dies, it will feel like a tragedy and create a lot of stress.
• If we depend upon our physical abilities, and have a stroke, it will be stressful to a great degree. But if we depend upon our mind, the loss of physical ability will create a smaller amount of stress.

Besides the bedrock that protects us from the harmful effects of stress, the other important aspect of stress is control.  When we are in control of change, there is little stress.  It is when we have no control over aspects of our life that stress becomes a problem. When scientists want to study stress in animals, they give them a puzzle to solve. But the options are, “Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t.” The animal has no way out and becomes stressed.

People who suffer from losing control are continuously in a heightened state of stress.  The crux of the problem is the demand for certainty in a world that is always tentative and uncertain.

Change is an inevitable part of life. Therefore, stress is natural and normal.  Moreover, most of the changes we face are not in our control.  Things happen in spite of all we do to control them.  People change, people die, things break down and disasters happen.  We cannot control everything, but we can manage our response to these stressful situations.

Good stress

Not all stress is created equal. The changing nature of the world can generate a constant supply of good stress.  Cycles of fortune and poverty, feast and famine, allow us to grow and learn.   Instead of being harmful and detrimental to the body, it has been proven that good stress can actually create growth and enhance and improve cognitive brain function

The body gains huge benefit from regular instances of good stress. After a brief period of worry, bad stress can be turned into good stress with the euphoria of a given task completed. Relax and learn to go with stress and grow from it.

Physical stress can be very good. In fact, it is necessary. Astronauts in the International Space Station must take a great deal of time out of their work to stress their muscles. They use large rubber bands, exercise routines and equipment to strengthen their muscles. With no gravity to push against, their bones and muscles can become weak. For every week a muscle is not stressed, it will lose 4% of its strength.

Likewise, we need physical stress.  If I go to the gym and stress my muscles, I am actually breaking down muscle fibers. The body will build them up again – stronger.  Stress makes us strong.  Bones receive strength in the same manner.  Many who have osteoporosis believe they can take a drug to make their bones stronger. But what they really need is to stress the bones with weight-bearing exercises like running, walking or lifting weight. The right stress can keep the body in good physical condition.

Another example of good stress is found in family. It is emotionally stressful to be married and have children. Family responsibilities can be demanding. And it’s hard when you have no control over daily changes. However, as we work through the emotional stressors, we grow in love.

I believe there is no better way to learn to love than to have and raise a family – in spite of all the stress it causes.

Bad stress

There is also, however, stress that destroys:

• Being in a car accident that stresses the bones too much causes fractures and does damage.
• Too many toxins create stress on the liver that can cause disease or death.
• Emotional stress can cause people to become depressed and anxious.

Bad stress tears us down, and doesn’t rebuild.  This happens when there is too much stress in a single place.

Sometimes the healing ability of the body is not sufficient for the stress we create.  Infections, for example, can overwhelm the immune system and cause permanent damage, or death.  This can be true of psychological stress as well.  Many who have been in the heat of battles have become damaged from the trauma beyond the ability of the mind to heal and move on.  It has been called many things, such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Gulf-War Syndrome, and various others.  It was even noted by doctors after the US Civil War.

Stress requires an intervention to achieve some measure of healing.  It is not just a case of managing stress.  For example, broken bones often require the expertise of a surgeon to prevent permanent disability.  This may be true of all forms of bad stress. It creates lasting problems that don’t go away on their own. Required resources to effectively deal with stress may be beyond what is immediately available.

Managing stress

Long-term stress damages our bodies.  Under stress, our bodies produce stress hormones. These stress hormones affect:

• Our immune system, allowing infections and autoimmune diseases like adrenal fatigue
• Sleep
• Healing from injuries
• Inflammation
• Pain control
• Digestive and reproductive systems
• And every other system in our body

Research has also linked chronic stress to ailments including depression, heart disease, memory loss and weight gain. Chronic stress causes obesity because it makes us resistant to insulin and leptin.  Chronic stress can be devastating!  Preventing the effects of stress isn’t just a good thing to do… it’s ESSENTIAL!

Since stress is ever present, we learn how to deal with it by managing it, not by avoiding it. The best way to do this is to be prepared for stressful times. If we are prepared to handle changes in our lives, we will not become stressed. For example, if we are healthy, and then get the flu, we can handle it. However, if we’re sick already, incapacitated, or severely ill, we could die from the same illness – not being able to handle the stress of the flu. What we get from being healthy is stress tolerance. The scale looks something like this:

 

The “Medicine Box” is what we get from medical care and where our current health care system will keep us.  The optimal place to be, as taught in medical schools today, is sick without symptoms.  For instance, if you have diabetes, then you are given medications that will keep you dependent on the doctor. You will never get well by following this protocol. The symptoms may be gone, but the disease is still there. It is the same with hypertension, cholesterol, heart disease, depression, and all chronic illnesses.  However, all medications are toxic and actually produce low stress tolerance.  If we want greater stress tolerance, then we need to get away from the idea of symptom relief and seek vigorous health. If possible, we need to break out of the “medicine box.”

This scale works in all areas of life.  Consider the benchmark of wealth. If you are barely living on a fixed income and the car breaks down, you have few options. You cannot tolerate the added expense, and it leaves you broke – dead broke.  But what if you were very wealthy? A broken-down car is no added burden.

Emotionally, you can be very healthy and tolerate the death of a loved-one. Whereas if you are emotionally incapacitated, it could be devastating to your psyche.  Having little spiritual reserves leaves you without a foundation to stand on.  If we haven’t built our house on the Rock, then we won’t have the ability to tolerate the major stress of crisis when it hits.

The key to managing stress is to become healthy in all areas of life.  If we prepare to manage stress, then we will not fear.  Anxiety is such a large part of stress because we are not prepared to handle it.  When we live sick, but symptom-free because of medications, we will be anxious for our health. We know that any added stress could send us to the hospital – or worse!

Stress relief

Many believe that if they could avoid stress, they would be better off.  But we know there is no way to avoid stress. Even lying in a hammock on a beach in Tahiti could be stressful at some point.  Things happen that are outside of our control.  If you have a great deal of stress right now, then it is essential you learn the “Serenity Prayer” by Reinhold Niebuhr:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer is answered as we live in the “now.”  Those who live in the past have no control over their own lives.  They become centered on things that they cannot change. They dwell on that which they have no possibility of making different.  Remember, this is stress – a no-win situation, or being stuck with no way out.  Those who keep their minds on those things they can control will lower stress levels.

“Wisdom” means acting on truth.  When we do things we can do, we find ways to relieve the stresses of life, and improve our own lives and those around us.  This is real stress relief.

Don’t forget Love

It is said that love is the answer.  I believe this to be true.  As I observe many people in very stressful situations, I find that love is the answer to all problems.  Love relieves all stress.

Love is the sacrifice we make in order to grow.  When we love ourselves, we give up things we want in to improve or grow.  We may have to give up television to read a good book.  We may have to give up ice cream to be fit and trim.  These are the ways we love ourselves.  We love others when we sacrifice for them.  Giving our time and effort is all we have, though giving money or possessions also demonstrates love.  The key to love is that our sacrifice must benefit the other person.

The daughter of a family I was treating had gotten into drugs.  The father, a wealthy retired banker, was spending a great deal of money to get her well.  He spent hundreds of thousands on rehabilitation programs, to no avail.  After the stock market crash of 2008 he lost most of his retirement and had no more resources.  He went to his daughter and told her she was on her own. He hoped she would choose to change.  She did.  She quit drugs, got a job, and got married. Now she has a child that she loves very much.  I don’t believe that the money the father spent on rehab programs was wasted.  I think the daughter understood his sacrifice. When she was free to choose, she had the background of love from which to actually make the changes.  His love demonstrated his sacrifice for her, and when she was given the freedom she was able to choose wisely.

Freedom

Freedom is completely non-stressful.  Freedom is true relaxation.  Freedom is control.  Freedom is ability.  When we are free, we can find creative ways out of even the most aggravating situations.  Stress comes when we don’t have freedom.  In fact, being trapped with no way out causes stress.

Be Proactive

When we choose to do something, we alleviate stress.  It is things that happen to us outside of our control that create stress.  By being proactive, or choosing action, we gain control over our lives, and prevent, or relieve, stress.

Some people try to control everything and everyone around them to avoid stress.  Most often, these efforts end in worsening stress because those around them become stressed in their presence.  Others don’t like the stress of being controlled.  The object is not to control others to prevent stress, but rather to be in control of oneself. This is the best way to prevent and relieve stress.

Be Prepared

The Boy Scout motto, “Be Prepared” is a valuable demonstration of reducing stress.   While we cannot be prepared for everything that comes along, we can use our basic preparation skills to diminish the stress of common changes in life.  The most important areas of life that require preparation include:

• Financial
• Physical
• Spiritual
• Emotional

I once had a patient who was using Xanax daily because of constant anxiety. She went to counseling and started taking some supplements and was able to get off of the medication. However, she carried one pill with her “just in case” she had a panic attack. Because she had the pill, she was able to calm herself. It was a great comfort just knowing that she had something to calm her if she had to use it. She never did need to take that pill! Likewise, we can have reserves that allow us to feel a measure of security, and give us more stress tolerance.

Finances

Financial reserves are important. Are you prepared for a financial setback? Having a cash fund that can be used in case of an emergency is essential to lowering stress. It takes much of the fear out of life to have a significant sum in a bank account in case of an emergency. Preparation in this area is simple:

• Spend less than you earn.
• Save a little every day, week, or month in an account.

Disaster preparation

What about a natural disaster? Having a “72-hour kit” ready in case of a problem can mean the difference between life and death.

Health

Health is the greatest wealth.  Keeping your body strong can prevent stress in case of illness or injury.  For example, if you are on the edge of illness (in the “medicine box” above) and require surgery, recovery will be more difficult – creating stress.  The principles of physical health are also simple.

• Eat nutritious food: high-nutrient, low-calorie (fruit and vegetables); avoid processed food
• Eat less than you need, fast 4 days per month with water only
• Exercise daily for 10 to 30 minutes

Spirit

Spiritual stability comes from knowing God.  Each person needs to individually turn to the Lord for counsel and guidance.  When we know how to receive instruction, and understand our dependence on Him, we can “build our house on the rock.”    Each of us has one lifetime to come to know God. When the crises come you will ride them out to be better, stronger and more content to be the person that Christ called you to be! The way to spiritual maturity is simple:

• Pray daily.  Pray continuously.  Counsel with the Lord in everything.
• Read the Bible every day.  Reading even just a few verses daily gives us access to light and knowledge of truth.
• Forgive everyone of everything.  Why ruin your life for something that you can’t control?
• Help others.  Look for one opportunity every day to help someone else. 

Emotions

Emotional preparation means being independent.  Emotional intelligence is when we aren’t dependent on others for our feelings; we don’t need others to “make us feel” good.  This also takes time.

There are two things that give us confidence and self-esteem.  The first is to develop loving relationships.  Love is the ability to sacrifice for the benefit of another.  Parents give up a lot for their children out of love.  Spouses sacrifice for each other.  Friends will be available in times of need.  Living in multiple loving relationships gives a person some stability.

The second is to have control of your thoughts.  Allowing thoughts of all that is bad in our lives and in the world creates anxiety.  We gain control over our emotions when we control our thoughts.  Control relieves stress, even when the storms of life whirl around us.

Seek the good in every situation. Don’t get caught up in speaking about how awful things are in your life, or in the world around you. Think about good things always. And be a friend to others. Look for opportunities to serve those around you. Helping others seems to buffer the negative effects of stress on our well-being.

Simple acts – “The Ten-Minute Plan”

Benjamin Franklin was not a stressed man.  He retired at age 42 from the printing business, and spent his time learning and experimenting.  In his autobiography, he tells his son that what made the difference in his life was a daily checklist of ways he could grow and learn.  Each day he would make a mark in his journal next to a quality he wanted to develop, or a weakness he wanted to remove.  He thought it would only take a little while, but found over the years he needed to continue the practice.  The little things didn’t seem to change in the short-term, but he became powerful over his long, happy, and productive life

It’s never too late to prepare.  Begin now.  Make the changes you need to.  It doesn’t mean having $10,000 in the bank now, it means putting some away, even if you can only save $1 per day – start there.  The little things we do on a daily basis add up to a lot over time.  But if we don’t change, then nothing will change.

All improvement requires directed effort. Make a plan for improvement. A ten-minute plan is simple, and can fit into even the most hectic schedule. This is a simple program. Take ten minutes for each of the following, then check the boxes each day as you do them:

• Pray
• Plan your day.
• Exercise
• Read from the Bible.
• Write in a journal three things you are thankful for.
• Make your own healthy food, instead of eating prepared or restaurant food.
• Read ten pages in a good book (see the list below).
• Slow down your driving.
• Keep a record of income and expenses for the day.
• Write a text or email expressing gratitude or admiration for someone.

It starts with 10 minutes a day and in a little time we have relieved most all the stress in the world. When life seems overwhelming, it is essential to break everything down into little pieces.

No matter where you are in life, no matter how much, or how little stress you have, keep a checklist of ten-minute activities. Do them daily to both relieve stress, and help you prepare for stressful events.

Every individual’s checklist will be different. But it is important to start simple and check it off every day. When you make your daily checklist, keep in mind that you don’t want to add to your stress by creating difficult or lengthy tasks. It should be done in 10 minutes. But it should include those things that will both relieve stress, and prepare you for future stressors.

Checking boxes of simple tasks makes a huge difference over time. We will feel better immediately just because we are seeing that we can do things, but in a year we will find great healing, and in five years we will be strong in all areas. We will be living in the present, and finding our abilities to be adequate. We will be in control, able to change what we can, but also, we will have the confidence to accept those things we cannot change – especially the past. Thus, our stress tolerance will be greatly increased. We will be able to counsel and help others, giving us more confidence, self-esteem, and joy.

This process of growth puts you in control of your life, which lowers stress. If you use a stressful situation to grow, you are changing bad stress that can tear you down into good stress that can build you up. Look for ways to learn from all the things that happen to you outside of your control.

Recap of stress reduction:

1. Be proactive – prepare for stressful situations that will inevitably happen.
2. Turn bad stress into good stress by seeking growth.
3. Keep a positive outlook. Don’t seek the bad (there’s plenty out there already).
4. Stay in “learning mode” always.
5. Use a checklist of daily ten-minute stress-relievers to keep you in control.
6. Live in the present, not dwelling on the past, nor worrying about the future.
7. Love someone every day.

Reading list for stress-reduction:

• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson
• The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
• Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey
• The Four-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris
• The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
• The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
• Margin—Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard A. Swenson, MD

Still can’t get your stress under control? Here’s how one expert got a handle on her anxiety (no pills necessary). Or if you’ve got five minutes, try these 3 essential oils to stress-proof your mind. What’s on your plate or in your medicine cabinet can also make a big difference in your mood.